Dirt

Mom said once I looked down on people too much
Guess lesson can only be learnt when my girlfriend said it to my face
though the way she said it was rather heart-wrenching
It's like deja vu all over again
new faces, different words, sharper lines, same thought
it was never meant to be that way and your way of viewing things is just so different, cold, cruel
I suck
Am I losing you?

june

this blog might end up having 12 posts only if i were to keep up with this rate
too busy
yet still slacking
and since some random douche spreads the link to the world, i guess taking a break would bring this peaceful page back to its state of solitude. just me, and maybe you and you who are reading these lines because you are being a real stalker
well...
life is transforming in that break-neck pace, riding its ferrari while past is still stuck with its.. hmm, fiat?
this analogy fits perfectly with this one line i read somewhere that goes: memories are fuel we burn to stay alive.
will i ever forget these days?
those places
these feelings
those people?
and you
......................................................................................................................
hope not
no i wont
i wont make it past, i'll probably name it with another name and gear it up with a lamborghini so that it will catch up with present
sometimes i wonder whether life would be easier if we should just follow orders, be who we should be, do what we are assigned to and think what was registered into our brain
cause i did not follow orders
I am not whom I should be
I am not doing what I'm supposed to do
I am not thinking the way I'm supposed to think
and life's hard
maybe only when it's hard that i can see the importance in those happy moments i had, to treasure what I'm having
nonsense stuff, blah blah blah
back to reality
studying like mad, aimlessly, every words i read is like a whole new world, every page flipped by is another slap to my face for sleeping during lecture in the past few months. hope i can make it for exam, top in school seems absurd, maybe one or two As would do, so keep finger crossed and mug hard
anything happens, must stay strong
cause
need to be there for her
so must be the man
do the right thing
stop blogging
start sleeping
and tomorrow shall be a productive day

friday the 13th

Commencing friday the 13th with 4 cans of beers and flows of thoughts
220 am
just 2 and a half hour spent
there are still 21 and a half hour left
but yet dont feel like looking forward to it
haiz, why the universe must follow this sine rule, bring me to the top then trash me down down down to that ultimate bottom of sadness
facts hurt
disgusting facts kill
self- denial or just ignorant?
i don't even know myself

Then why am I even demanding to know more about you?

contemplation

A rainy Saturday with no pdp or whatever craps seems to be yet another perfect day to blog

this is not my habit... but somehow it feels nice just to write about random stuffs that happened

Just read that note from the climbing guy and really liked it.

Crazy night spent yesterday. even wrote a song at 2am and the doucheface walked into my room at 3. When the world sleeps, its when we start being closer to each others

Friday was just as awful as that haunting song from Rebecca Black. 

The fact that I got an A for PW just made me feel worse about my friends' situation. If they could not get it,then I don't see a reason why deserved it. Just couldn't smile for a single second

Hate those heartless people jumping around and taking photos celebrating their As, why can't they just be more sensitive for once in their life? 

I totally understand that hollow feeling when everyone got what they wanted except for yourself.

It feels like being back stabbed by life, totally fooled by fate

But what can I say? I got an A, yes and fuck it...... 

apology to March

No posts in March

why?

Cause that is when the imminent storm that i predicted swept by

shattered, hurt, yet i still survive

and now that haunting quote from " Lord of the Flies" makes a lot of sense to me

We will survive

Yes, we, together

You and I

❤

The obviously complicated confusion

Hey blog, it has been a long long time since I last wrote to you

Blame the world, for entangling me with too many things, too many troubles, too many drama, too many tutorials to catch up....

Desperation would be the correct word that describe me now, at this very moment

Just finish playing soccer with that awesome bunch of people from hostel, soaked with sweat, exhaled liters of air , yet still feel like there is still something inside me that is being kept, waiting to be ignited, exploded. 

Feeling worthless, incompetent, hopeless and stupid

Literally

I knew that I would be in deep shit, but this is too much to handle

Staying up till 1 every night doing nothing but strumming meaningless chords on my guitar, dreaming and wasting time. A perfect excuse for not doing work: improving guitar skill. But it is just an excuse after all

Sleeping in lecture the next day and getting carried away with that flow of losing direction

Staring at schoolwork as if these things fell from the sky. No clue, nothing at all

Craving for redemption but stuck in the midst of commitments, in the end going back to step 1 of the cycle

Making new friends but losing old ones at the same time, who matter much more than those that just appeared in my life

Getting confused by someone

Pressurized by the whole world

How long more can that smile stay on my face?

Please

Let me be free